Do you live by a school? I do. I have to pass by two of them before I can go
anywhere. And I tell ya, before I get in
my car and leave my house, I throw a little holy water on my bumpers because of
it. It’s not the schools themselves or the kids that are the problem – it’s
those damn mothers that are dropping/picking up the kids. What happened to
these women to make them so oblivious to anything around them when they
drive? They swerve all over the street without
any warning, swilling frapachinos and applying eyeliner while their backpack
toting offspring are falling out the still-open car doors. And it’s not good enough
to drive a normal sized car and pull this crap, noooo… They need the biggest,
stupidest enormo-tank their golf playin’, $200 jeans wearin’, microbrew beer
drinkin’ husbands can afford! Holy crap, is it really necessary to drive a ten
passenger Escalade when all you’re hauling is a 40 pound, ten year old girl
with a Hello Kitty lunch box? And here’s
my favorite move – I love when they swing out in front of me, stop, throw open
their tank door and run after their kid shouting, “Sunflower, you forgot your
diorama!” as popsicle sticks, construction paper and glitter is exploding
everywhere. For crying out loud woman, the world does not stop just because you
are driving your child somewhere.
I have a kid. I know what it’s like to drive him to
school. Here’s how it goes for me: I tell
him to put his seat belt on and pipe down. I pay attention to the road and avoid
the SUV Armageddon at the crosswalk. I
glide up to the curb, tell him to get out and have a nice day. Then I glide
out, without cutting anyone off or running over the other knucklehead mom who
thinks it’s cute to ride her kids to school on a triple seat bicycle. Come on
women, get in the game!
By the way, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my Mom for making me walk to school.
